Friday, January 4, 2013

'Why me, God?'

I failed the petronas scholarship interview. And I didn't get the offer to study in UTP. On the following weeks, I  questioned everything 'Why God? Why me?' I felt my hopes were shattered.

I entered matrix after SPM. I hate matrix, frankly speaking, coz I don't like science (read: I'm no good in science).  If my friends were not there, I might end up in asylum.  On the following weeks, I questioned everything 'Why I end up here? Why God? Why me?'

I went for maktab interview. My name was not included in the first intake. I really want to run away from matrix but where should I run if I failed the interview?? I asked again 'Why God?  Why me?'

After some times, after I was in the uk, then I can make sense of everything. 

I failed the petronas interview coz if God gives me what I want, I might really end up in the asylum, studying the physics, chemistry, bio, and all the science subjects. 

I wasn't in the first intake TESL-ians because if I was, I wouldn't walk out from matrix with RM 800 allowance in my bank account.  And if I was in the first intake, I have to go through all the orientation thingy (I don't like orientation fyi).

Now, things happen, one after another; some people come without warning, and some people go  unexpectedly.  I'm tired of it. And I lose hope sometimes.  The same questions stuck in my head 'Why God? Why me?' Everyday, every single day, I try to make sense of everything.  God answered my prayer bit by bit, but I still couldn't complete the puzzle.  Learning from experiences, I keep on telling myself, God always has something to offer; a new life, a new opportunity.  'In the midst of our struggles and disappointments, God is able to find us, and God alone can offer us a new dream'.

“.. Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” (QS 2:216)

when we are happy, we don't usually ask 'Why God? Why me?'.Manusia, pelik. Kan?



afiqah ashiya said...

sometimes we forgot who we are kan? always asking "why me"
rasa cam nak nanes plak bace entry ni.huhu sebab kite pon slalu fikir "why me?" setiap kali something x best happen..(sorry teacher broken english) :)

ana rama said...

im glad tat i can touch somebody's heart.hehee.

Anonymous said...

maybe we always forgot the simple fact that there must be a hikmah behind all that had you have demonstrate earlier in your post..
we also oversees that He always save the best for us later..

we just have to bear with it, people coming and going the living nature of human..that is sad, but that's life..
maybe a good person are not meant to stay long in our life..while that irritating fella stayed longer...but who knows why eh? hehe

ana rama said...

long and sweet message.takes me hours to digest everything.hehe.thanks anyway=)

Ikin said...

Didn't know you went for the Petronas interview. :-)

ana rama said...

shoot.wrong info.ac2ly only sent the form but failed to get the panggilan it sounds pathetic.hehe