I entered matrix after SPM. I hate matrix, frankly speaking, coz I don't like science (read: I'm no good in science). If my friends were not there, I might end up in asylum. On the following weeks, I questioned everything 'Why I end up here? Why God? Why me?'
I went for maktab interview. My name was not included in the first intake. I really want to run away from matrix but where should I run if I failed the interview?? I asked again 'Why God? Why me?'
After some times, after I was in the uk, then I can make sense of everything.
I failed the petronas interview coz if God gives me what I want, I might really end up in the asylum, studying the physics, chemistry, bio, and all the science subjects.
I wasn't in the first intake TESL-ians because if I was, I wouldn't walk out from matrix with RM 800 allowance in my bank account. And if I was in the first intake, I have to go through all the orientation thingy (I don't like orientation fyi).
Now, things happen, one after another; some people come without warning, and some people go unexpectedly. I'm tired of it. And I lose hope sometimes. The same questions stuck in my head 'Why God? Why me?' Everyday, every single day, I try to make sense of everything. God answered my prayer bit by bit, but I still couldn't complete the puzzle. Learning from experiences, I keep on telling myself, God always has something to offer; a new life, a new opportunity. 'In the midst of our struggles and disappointments, God is able to find us, and God alone can offer us a new dream'.
“.. Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” (QS 2:216)
|when we are happy, we don't usually ask 'Why God? Why me?'.Manusia, pelik. Kan?|