Friday, April 20, 2012

.a month before leaving for good.

Walking down the city of Plymouth.  The air was fresh though it's a bit colder than yesterday. Nothing different really.  The elderly passed and give a smile. The teenagers mocked each other and laughed. The ladies with shining handbags and stylish boots and heels.  The gentlemen with a brand new suit. I smiled.  Usually, they didn't notice my existence.  I guess because I'm the odd one. *laugh* With my obvious asian skin, with the scarf covered my head instead of my neck, with my round face and small eyes and big nose, who cares to even take a glance? *laugh* Sometimes I prefer not to be noticed by anyone so I can easily scrutinize and judge others. Brilliant ideas, don't you think?ehe.

And yeah, this one fine day, I did something different. The idea of wearing a pair of heels to the city had never crossed my mind before. But that day, I did.  Being as tall as others made me feel good. 'Now, we are equal in terms of height.' *evil laugh* Walking in heels, I was pretty confident that I won't slip. 'Never!' I said.  Can you see how arrogant I was?*ish3*. Then, suddenly, without giving a single sign, I slipped and I fell quite horribly.  Nobody noticed that at the first place.  But the heels produced a noisy sound which, you can imagine, attracted other people's attention.  It's quite tragic actually.  Because I stepped on a young lady's foot before I slipped.  Then, the young lady fell into an old woman who finally fell to the ground. A domino-effect I reckoned.  I was sorry for the old woman really.  But what should I do?  I didn't intended to fall at the first place. Who wants to be hurt? Tell me? I was blamed for what had happened though.  And I blame myself too. It was embarassing. *blush* (No! Blush is not the right word.)  Everyone blamed me (oh I just repeat it twice).  Everyone! I was terrified that I felt like running; leaving the heels behind.  But, wait! Islam didn't teach us to run away from problems.  In fact, every religion teach their believers to face the problem.  Am I right? So I said sorry many times.  But you can guess, I assumed.  In this kind of situation, nobody wants to hear your sorry.  Nobody wants to hear your explanation.  It is clear that I am to be blamed. So, what's the purpose of explanation?  What I did was stood still.  Trying my best to be cool.  I wanted to say a word but I chose not to.  They hurt physically, I don't think I can hurt them verbally.  So I kept my mouth shut.  Listening to everything they had to say.  Nobody back me up.  Nobody.  Coz I was meant to be blamed.  Yes, I was.  I was wrong because I chose to fall. 

I took my heels after a moment.  No. I didn't throw it away.  I would never do that unless the heels was totally broken into pieces.  I know there's always a reason behind all this.  Allah chooses me to fall.  Coz He wants me to learn how to get up.  A friend of mine said 'It's alright ramss, girls who walk in heels sometimes fall too.  Get back up again! That's what you should do.'

Try my heels and see how it works.